Language allows us to express our emotions, ideas and thoughts, enables communication between people and becomes a fundamental tool in interpersonal relationships. Precisely because of the former, it is not only a clear indicator of who we are, but can also reveal our social position and level of education. John Bowe, author of the book I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in the Age of Disconnectedness‘ and the public speaking expert ensures that there are expressions in which we respect our interlocutor and These are signs of “good morals”. Likewise, there are some statements that reveal that we are a people devoid of class and education.
I’m sorry but…
When we talk about classless people, we are not talking about the way they dress, but about people who ignore the feelings of others when expressing their opinions and who have no respect when talking to others. Few expressions show less respect when communicating than a statement that begins with “I have no criminal intent” because It is obvious that whoever says this will hurt us, but they say it anyway.. It’s like putting a warning sign in front of the comment they think will absolve them of blame, but it has the opposite effect because it makes them seem more insulting and less thoughtful than they thought they would be. In fact, this is an indication that comments or criticisms are not conveyed respectfully.
If you feel the need to start your sentence with “I mean no blame,” perhaps that’s a sign that you need to think more carefully about what you’re going to say before you say it, because there’s definitely a more constructive, less critical way to do it. . Thoughtful and stylish people avoid warnings and focus on communicating better. and assertively, but without deliberately and completely gratuitously hurting another person’s feelings.
That’s what’s there
Accordingly John Bowe explained to CNBCthis expression It is often used as an abbreviation for “don’t complain.”. This not only shows an incredible deficiency empathyEspecially when someone tells us something that worries them and we respond, it’s also a veiled way of telling them we’re not interested and a sign of a lack of emotional intelligence.
Anyway…
Did you notice this? What you perceive when you read it is a lack of respect for others. “Regardless” expression It shows that you are not interested in what the other person is saying. Is not neutral and conveys indifferenceespecially in such a context a discussionbecause what the listener actually hears is “this is too much for me, let’s get this over with.” It is possible. Imagine having an argument with your partner. You offer your perspective and when you wait for their response you get someone who shrugs and says “whatever.” Not only is this rude, it also shows an unwillingness to engage in a meaningful conversation. He is not interested in understanding you, understanding you, or expressing his point of view. He chooses to ignore you and move on with his life.
I’m just being honest
Being honest and sincere is not synonymous with being disrespectful. And I’m not talking to you about it sincere murderBut when we say “I’m just being honest,” something similar to what happened in the first sentence happens to us: the listener perceives the exact opposite. Using so-called “honesty” as carte blanche to say whatever comes to mind shows that we are not empathetic or have emotional intelligence. And yes it is It is possible to balance honesty and thoughtfulness, Because we can say what we think by communicating in a way that creates trust, not the other way around.
This is not my problem
If we want to avoid responsibilities by using a single sentence, here we are. If we are talking about a conversation in which they tell us something that worries them and we respond with “that’s not my problem,” then we have someone in front of us. It shows a huge lack of empathy towards others. The person listening to this knows that his interlocutor will not contribute to the solution of the problem.whatever. It’s like they’re closing the door on us. According to psychology, people who use this phrase frequently may be showing a lack of emotional intelligence and in some cases symptom of narcissism.
They prioritize their own concerns and ignore the problems of others. Even if you really can’t do anything, these words don’t leave much room for understanding or connection, and we can say it another way, like “I hope you find a solution” or “I wish I could help, but I can.” Don’t do it right away.” This is how we show empathy and keep our boundaries strong.
I told you
With this phrase, it’s like we’re pouring salt into the wound. All we get is the other person feeling worse and you looking smug. and a smart man. And even if it’s true that you noticed this before, saying it now does absolutely nothing for you. Educated and classy people understand that mistakes are part of learning and do not use them as an opportunity to humiliate others and make themselves feel bad.
you are very sensitive
Although it may sound harmless, this expression is a weapon thrown at the other person, depending on the context. With this, we invalidate their feelings and downplay their feelings, as in the following statement. “You’re exaggerating so much,” the expert classic on invalidating emotions.. When we use the term sensitivity, We shift our focus away from what they are telling us, minimize their emotions, and become defensive of the other person.. People with class and empathy know that every person processes their emotions differently, and even if yours and theirs don’t match, that doesn’t invalidate your response.
I’m not a genius but…
Talented people tend to underestimate their abilities, while incompetent people tend to overestimate them. Dunning-Kruger effect. Used to belittle one’s own intelligence or to excuse not understanding something complex, this phrase is an example of a lack of confidence in one’s own intellectual abilities. If you want to appear stylish and educated, you will eliminate it from your vocabulary because Not understanding something is a learning opportunity, not an opportunity to belittle yourself. This disturbs those who listen to us.
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Photos | Golden Age (HBO)
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