Beyond the obvious reasons why a child may become estranged from their parents as they get older; for example, was abused as a child or if they live with narcissistic parentsIt is not always a dramatic outcome or a single event. There are times when a gap is created over time due to accumulated decisions or behaviors.
Even if we are talking about parents and children, all relationships require effort, communication, love, trust and understanding from both parties. But as we grow older, life can take us in a different direction than our parents, and both they and we acquire habits that weaken our bonds. With that in mind, let’s talk to you. Common behaviors of people who become estranged from their parents as they get older. And most of this happens without us realizing it.
Accept the relationship as it is
This study It suggests that adults who live far away (several hours away) communicate less with their parents and feel less emotionally close. In this case, it is possible to accept the relationship as it is without realizing it. The assumption that our parents will always be with us can turn into complacency.
as described Psychology Corner“To accept someone for who they are in a relationship means to assume that that person will always remain, regardless of the effort put into nurturing the bond.” So, we can stop trying and expect the relationship to continue on its own without caring, which will cause the bond to weaken over time and cause us to drift away without even realizing it.
You cannot communicate with them in a meaningful way
Playwright George Bernard Shaw said, “The great trouble with communication is the illusion that it has already happened.” In this case we think we are already talking to them but in reality we just exchanged words without going deeper or making a real connection. Maybe communication with our parents is not fluent because we have different values than our parents, we think differently, or we do not prioritize them in a life where we are running everywhere. While sending WhatsApp or making a speed call requires almost no effort, Those who unconsciously distance themselves from their parents often find that communication is less frequent and of lower quality.. For example, avoiding topics that may cause controversy, focusing on daily events, or dealing with superficial topics.
Like says psychotherapist Jennifer Gerlach“Avoiding difficult conversations can lead to poor communication, broken relationships, and loss of value.” Over time, this avoidance can create a sense of emotional distance that makes connection difficult, and communication can disappear between routines.
Has unresolved childhood issues
Growing up thinking that your parents do not understand you, that you do not meet their expectations, that there are inequalities between you and your siblings, or growing up in two homes because your parents divorced may come back as you get older. Those family dynamics may have left a wound on us that we are not even aware of.
Accordingly psychologist Carl JungThe biggest tragedy of the family is not the conflicts, but the unspoken and unresolved wounds. These unresolved, often complex emotions can persist and affect our relationships, causing us to become distant from ourselves. We unknowingly inherit from our parents that we do this as a defense mechanism. Perhaps the ideal in this case is to go to a psychologist to explore the wounds that are still open from your childhood and help you heal them.
Afraid of losing independence
Being and feeling independent is not a bad thing. There are many people who value solitude, independence, and personal growth, but if we always try harder when building our lives and establishing our routines, we can create a sense of self-sufficiency that alienates our family. This is not necessarily a conscious decision, but rather an unconscious response to preserve our ingrained sense of independence, or simply a vacuum created as we become adults who make their own decisions. However It is possible to be independent and at the same time maintain healthy relationships with our family members.. Finding balance is essential if we want to maintain our connection with our parents.
Photos | Everybody’s Fine (2009)
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